To be sure, Anderson Calhoun was at the end of his depression greased rope.
Life needed to come to an end because he couldn't tolerate life's ironic barbs any longer.
And illness here,
A setback there,
And it was time to pull out the gun from the hiding place.
But when a black light creature,
From deep inside the other side of reality pays him an unexpected midnight visit,
His life takes a turn from the depressed muck to the surreal admission that he really is...
Out Of His Mind!
RLJ
(Season 5, Episode 7)
OUT OF HIS MIND
(Ithaca, N.Y.)
(1)
Today, I admit that I'm officially going out of my mind!
I’m racked with fear,
With anguish,
With anxiety,
With paranoia!
Why? Because I just survived the first two weeks of my 40th birthday.
I am having so much trouble accepting certain facts about myself.
Just where am I in my life?
Just where did I go in my life?
Just who am I in this life of mine?
Just how did I actually arrive at this point in my life…
Where I question everything about myself?
Why can't I sleep when I close my eyes at night?
Why do I see myself standing over myself with my gun in my hand in my nightmares?
Three weeks ago my left kidney failed me -
I suffered through two painful weeks spent in the hospital!
I suffered through two surreal surgical procedures!
I suffered through seeing pints of blood mixed in with my urine!
I suffered through lonely nights spent in confused introspective thought;
Concluding in the now ever-present overwhelming fear of death!
It's not funny to me how all this angst suddenly appeared.
Damn, I just can't bear the thought of the void in death.
Will my family get sucked in with me if I stay inside this funk?
Can I actually skirt the morose pall hanging over me?
Fourteen days in the hospital, three days out of the hospital!
Ah, these painful screws tightening the noose on this state of mind are horrible!
Do I have the will of body and mind to stay in psyched-out hell to my 41st birthday?
Smith and Wesson, and I, have a lot to talk about tonight!
But, before I talk to this cold steel harbinger of death in my right hand,
There is a feeling that has just washed over me!
It just appeared to me from deep inside my soul…
And along the nerves that control the involuntary motor movements of my body.
Oh hell, the goddamn Horrorwalker creature is about to pay me a visit!
Fuck, if only I could control my own body right now.
I would shoot myself dead right here.
Oh damn, I can feel its presence behind me right now.
I don’t want to be forced to read a horror story from that weird book right now!
But suicide won’t happen… tonight.
I’ve already been forced by this monstrous entity to put down my gun… and my pen.
And, I am now facing this black cloaked monstrosity and it has already handed me the book.
(2)
I have been released from the unholy controlling grip of the Horrorwalker.
I am back to the motor control of my body.
With pen in very nervous shaky hand,
I begin this compulsion to write about this bizarre Horrorrwalker encounter.
I was forced by the creature to turn the thick, weirdly textured pages to this story.
Horrors to horrors… this cannot be, I screamed inside my mind!
Is this a joke being played on me by a twilight force from somewhere not of this earth?
No, this is truth… and I am looking at it!
The title of my Horrorwalker Horror Tome tale is… Out Of Your Mind!
And, obviously, it is going to be the twisted tale of my life… past, present and future.
I do not want to read from this book.
But read I do, because I have no choice in the matter.
Damn it all to hell!
I would rather have put the gun in my mouth and pulled the trigger than read…
The horror that is the rest of my soon to be short life.
Sometimes true horror walks into your life when you least expect it.
Looks like Smith and Wesson,
And I,
Will have a very different kind of conversation in a few hours!
(3)
Nobody ever said these Horrorwalker encounters were feel good visits that makes one happy and floating on butterfly wings!
AMC
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