THE TESTOSTERONE HAZE

Some women are intolerant of men's boyish insolent behavior.

Their wrath can be severe.

Good thing most men barely feel the pain when we are glazed over in...

The Testosterone Haze!

 MAS

(Season 4, Episode 14)

THE TESTOSTERONE HAZE

(1)

    Hey there, baby... Max here,

OK, my dear Paula. Let us get this thing straight right now. You’re still angry at this moment. OK, I understand, but please can you understand this? I am a man! I am a goofy man, for sure. Can’t you see that? Can you look at the world through my hormone haze one time?
How many times must I tell you why I was compelled to look at other women? There is something about me, about men, that you don’t seem to want to understand.
Listen closely to my words. I hope you’ll try to absorb these concepts so that you can take back my love for you.

It really is silly to say, but self-control comes at a high price for the normal red blooded man. Self-restraint is very emotionally costly. The stress and strain of holding ourselves back is soul breaking... of keeping our hands to ourselves... of focusing our attentions away from certain daily distractions... of not responding to our primal urges, takes a heavy toll on the body and mind of a man.
You will never know the pure crack cocaine-like rush of adrenalin and testosterone that overtakes the mind and body of a man when he comes into contact with a beautiful, full of life, aggressive woman.
You will NEVER know that rush!
The overwhelming rush of those self-produced body chemicals is pure narcotic!
Then suddenly, in that moment of realization, that man must suck in all that insane emotion, and flush away the chemical induced fantasy, and crash himself back to cold sweat reality.
A taken man of integrity might think something like this in that moment... “What in the hell am I thinking? I don’t know this lady. Purge those horned thoughts.”
If he says hello to this woman and she responds positively... and he loses his mind and follows after her... he just might end up screwing himself royally!
But does he want to allow the potential for the great unknown to escape by spurning her advancements? The mind reels dizzy when the battle to be right has to fight a battle to be wrong.

(2)

Now... oh yea, you are still my most beautiful star in the galaxy! You don’t want me to describe you in this manner, but you you might as well know the truth about how men talk about you when they see you.
You are simply too fine.
Look at my luck, will you? I consider myself to be just a dude who works hard and enjoys life. One day, lucky me, I glanced a look at you at the supermarket. Remember, you were picking out apples? Remember how you did a really silly thing when you took an apple from the bottom of the pile, causing an avalanche of apples to fall to the floor?
I remember... you let out a squeak. I turned around and there you were.... looking so helpless and innocent as the fruit rolled and bounced around your knees. I had to go to your rescue.
At that time I was a single guy just shopping for some popcorn. So, approaching you was not a problem... I was simply helping the distressed lady who was down on her knees chasing fruit.
I was a little shocked as you looked at me and smiled when you allowed me to help you pick up the apples just before the produce managers came to finish the clean-up. We stood up, the apologies were made by you to them, they told you everything was OK and you took your two apples into your hands.
And I was shocked as I now saw your awesome beauty face to face.
I was even more shocked when you proved to be personable and interested in me. Honestly, I never believed that I could have a girlfriend as beautiful as you. I always girl watched day to day, hoping for a good lady... imagining what it would be like to be with the most beautiful women I’d ever seen.
And then, I met you and that dream came true.

(3)

  So, we are now in the now. You and I have been together for over one year. I love you, and I respect you for the person you are inside. It would be so easy to focus on your exterior, if I chose to do so.

(4)

All my dude friends simply drool over you every time they see you. You don’t know this, but some of them have even asked me what it is like to have sex with you. And no, I have not ever discussed our sex life with anyone!
And, I make sure the guy who asks a question like that never asks it again.
Now, even with all that has been said, I’ve already admitted to you that I still occasionally look at other women when I’m out with my boys. I do not touch women. I do not ever collect women’s cell phone numbers. But, I did look in the past.
I’m a man and I am compelled by forces beyond my control when I look at another woman. You can be pissed-off at me all you want when you feel insecure. Why do you feel this way, I don’t know... but always remember the words in this letter. Understand the mind of a man and you will always know where we’re coming from. I am now giving you my inner mind so that you can co-exist with me in peace.

(5)

Now, can we please kiss and make up. I know I made you fitfully angry when you asked me your questions and I told you the truth... I did tell you the truth. And, I have not ever cheated... but I have looked at women when I am out with my friends.


Hey, baby... I know you’re taller then me. You’re obviously many times better looking than me. You are smarter than I am and I am the luckiest man in the world to have had you in my life. You are my brown haired vision of my future. I want you in my arms right now, please?
You are still my girl.
And Nick’s couch is not comfortable.
And I have not been out with them in the two weeks since I took over his couch.
And I have no more desire to hang with the boys.

Can I come back home to you?
Remember... you call me your “Massage King Man?”
Remember how good my hands feel on your back?
Are you really going to throw me away over something like this?
My cell phone is on and right here by my side.
Call me, please?

(6)

Baby, I’ll even forgive and forget the fact that you cut off my right pinky finger in your fit of anger.

MAS

DELUSIONAL

She is beautiful and I am so lucky to have her in my life.

But I believe she is a dead woman walking...

Because she only dates me at night.

And, that she might drink blood for her food.

And, I have a serious dilemma on my hands.

Or,

Am I just... Delusional! 

BLM

(Season 4, Episode 15) 

DELUSIONAL

(Belton, Texas)

-one-

My name is Barton Marks.

The day my life took that first turn toward the horror…

Was the first time I met her at the corner bus stop!

If I hadn’t been sloshed out of my mind,

And spurred on by my equally drunk” boys”,

I would have stumbled onto the bus,

As is my usual to do on a Friday night,

And taken the bus ride straight to my front door,

Which is only a hundred yards from the bus stop on my street.

But, there she was!

And, there we were!

And all six of us men thought it was a good idea when… 

This stranger actually offered to drive me home.

We all giggled like school girls as we followed her to her car.

And my boys all ribbed me like crazy and called me lucky.

They were all giving high fives as I was driven away.

But, before we actually left the scene…

-two-

It was impossible to ignore her as she stood there by her red Porsche.

She told us her name was Bernice-Ann Brown.

She was originally from Jamaica. 

And, we men all thought, she was so goddamn fine.

All our eyes watered as we took in her beautiful,

African goddess-like features--

Beautiful brown eyes,

Light, wispy brown hair,

Metric, angular feline-like face,

Perfectly filed finger nails,

Long, muscular legs,

And trendy, stylish clothing!

In my eyes she had to have stepped out of the secrets section...

Of the sexiest fashion magazine.

Obviously, none of us wondered why she was standing there alone.

Obviously…

-three-

She stood there alone and waiting in the advancing darkness.

I did not suppose for a second that she could possibly attract danger.

She responded positively to our advances.

It was destiny, I believed, because she talked only to me.

She was there for my pleasure, I suddenly realized.

Could I sate the desire of this beautiful women?

Of course I could, but there was a question to ask.

And, she answered with a, 

"Yes, I'll take you to another bar for another drink."

This was wild… it was as though she could read my mind.

And before I could absorb the surreality of the car drive...

We were at the next bar down the street.

I got even more hammered.

And I had a blast with her as she drank me drink for drink.

And in the end of the night,

At a deep and dirty 4:30 AM,

 She drove me to my home, I stumbled inside and went straight to my bed.

-four-

She called me the next night.

Although my memory of the events was shot…

But, of course, I did remember her.

We talked for one hour.

I was sure to tell her that I would drive on our next date.

Three nights later we took in a movie.

Later, she watched me eat Chinese food at a restaurant.

Then we took a little stroll in the park,

In the darkness,

Where the Autumn full moon set the mood just right for lunar kissing.

And finally it was time to drive back to my place.

She agreed to spend the night with me... this time alcohol free.

Minutes pass before we are kissing in the kitchen.

Then we were both ready to go into the bedroom.

We tore into each other's cloths.

We left a trail of clothing from the...

Living room to the bedroom.

-five-

Never had I had a more beautiful,

Sexy woman in my bed giving herself to me.

I could not believe the perfection of her body.

There was an electricity to the touch of her skin.

She was simply too beautiful for the likes of me.

Still, I thought I was in heaven.

A good natural high, 

Mixed in with great sex,

From a beautiful woman well above my level,

Transforms this man into an animal.

I knew this first sexual experience would be incredible.

I tried to fuck her so hard that I would warm her cool skin.

-six-

All the action and effort… 

This to lead us to incredible sex…

Those sucking, soppy sounds of wet sex!

All that sweat, from my body --

Mixing in my heat, and haze, of wild passion --

With her super cool and ultra calm demeanor.

My tongue wrapping around her tongue.

Sex, and saliva.

Sex until I dropped, exhausted.

Just three sweet hours of pure pleasure.

I was screwed almost dead.

She was not even breathing heavy.

No problem, I thought... at least she is smiling and not complaining.

-seven-

To be sure,

I had never experienced a woman like this before.

Everything was going perfectly in my mind…

Until I noticed something very scary about her…

What I really did already knew as truth,

By the fifth time we had gotten together for our fun night,

But had overlooked it because I was having too much fun.

I had beads of sweat on both of my warm arms.

I’m sweaty from all my bouncing around.

Bernice… lying there on her back,

Naked, eyes closed and appearing to be asleep.

And not a drop of sweat was oozing from her pores.

I lightly touched her left breast with my lips.

Yes… her body was still cool and dry.

I suddenly felt a horror bomb explode inside my gut!

‘Goddamn it!’ I screamed inside my head.

My, how fast fear can overtake you and bring clarity to your mind.

She's not human.

Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn!

And she is not asleep, either.

Why she had not attacked, and killed me,

 Would be a good question… if I asked it.

Needless to say…

I did need to ask her what her intentions were.

Oh my god…

Am I having a sexual relationship with my first,

And perhaps my last,

Vampire?

-eight-

Damn!

I just can't believe this shit!

What is she waiting for to rip me apart and drink my blood?

By now, I have seen the long sharp canine teeth in her mouth.

I don’t want those teeth stabbing into my neck.

And I have seen her cut herself and not bleed a drop.

And still... no matter how much I rub her and touch her, 

She is still cool to the touch.

She has even told me she might love me.

And that sentiment is both exiting and... horrifying!

In conclusion to my situation...

I’ve got three options here --

Confront her and tell her I know what she is, or…

Accept her declaration of love for me and just go with it until whatever happens.

And lastly --

I wonder if anyone would miss me if…

 I pulled out my .38 revolver from under my bed and ...

Blew my brains out of my head.

I am so stressed that I am having blood splattered nightmares in my sleep.

And, I have no illusions of wanting to be undead.

-nine-

My nightmares as I sleep have a specific cause.

And as I have now made my fateful decision about this relationship,

I have also remembered my childhood Horrorwalker visitation…

From when I was a 12 year old central Texas boy.

I have lived my life believing that encounter was a bad dream.

It is now painfully obvious to me that it wasn‘t.

If the story the Horrorwalker made me read that night has come true…

The main protagonist of the Horrorwalker tale, “Delusional”,

Was actually an adult version of me.

And, like the protagonist in the tale,

I am now faced with a similar decision. 

I will now approach her calmly as I act upon my decision.

And may God,

If it truly exists,

Have mercy on my soul!

BLM

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I KILL YOU BEFORE YOU DIE

Everybody eventually has to find his or her purpose in the Zombie end-times.

I got off to a dangerously wild and rocky start to the end of the world.

But, now I occupy my days with a job I love.

For your sake, pray that you eventually meet me.

SAM

(Season 4, Episode 16)

HOW MANY TIMES MUST I  KILL YOU BEFORE YOU DIE

(Raleigh, N.C.)

  … I’ve shot you three times -- twice in the chest and once in the left kneecap, and you still keep on coming at me. I pushed you out of the second floor window and watched as you fell onto your back, amidst a rain of broken glass, and gasped in horror as you immediately stood up and began to shamble my direction again. I broke your right collar bone with the metal baseball bat. I smashed in your nose and teeth with another well placed swing… and you still keep on coming. How many times must I kill you before you die?

  This must be a goddamn dream. What in the hell is going on and why is it going on with me?

***

  My name is Shepard Allen Martin. I was dead asleep in my bed that fateful morning. I abruptly awakened when I hear a loud pounding on my bedroom door… inside my apartment! I am a single man who lives alone. “What the hell?” I whispered under my breath as I grabbed my  9mm Smith & Wesson from out of the top drawer of my nightstand right there beside my bed on the left side.... where I sleep. I quietly tiptoed toward the door ready to put my pistol into the face of the crazy idiot who was obviously home invading!
   
     As I was about to turn the knob to swing open the door to confront the fool on the other side, my bedroom door burst in toward me… slamming me back four steps before I tripped over my footstool and crashed to the floor.
   
     Something moved toward me in the darkness behind the closed bedroom window curtains blocking the early morning sun... and my reaction to the action was to fire three shots in the direction of the door.             Whoever crashed into my bedroom dropped like a sack of potatoes right in its spot. I scrambled up to my feet and scooted around the ‘someone’ to flick on my bedroom lights. What I saw was both shocking and horrifying… it appeared to be a very not-dead, shoeless, man dressed in tattered clothing struggling to stand up on his wobbly legs, hindered by his left shattered kneecap. I immediately realized that this was not a normal man! A normal man will not take the bullet damage this man took without at least showing the signs of severe pain. This man was not in pain.

  Suddenly the man wildly swung his left hand at me and slapped my pistol from my hand. It landed under my heavy king size bed. I reached over to my right and grabbed the baseball bat I kept there.

  I swung the bat several times at the man, contacting him on his left shoulder and doing obvious damage. But, the man continued to stand upright and then began to bite at me as he limped toward me. Without thinking, I took the baseball bat, pointed it toward the man and rushed toward him using it as a battering ram. I struck him directly in the center of the chest… pushing him back, right out of my closed second floor window. He burst through the window to fall two stories to what I thought would be his death. Imagine my horror when he stood up and began to walk toward the entrance of my building.

  I dived under my bed to retrieve my pistol. Seconds later, with gun in hand and seven bullets in the clip, I began to knock on the doors of my three immediate neighbors. Everyone was locked up tight and everything was silent and frightening. I turned to go up to the third floor, just before I heard the crash of glass below me. The growl alerted me to the fact that the assailant was back.

  I ran up to the next floor. The four doors to the four apartments were all locked and no one responded to me banging on their doors. It was, in fact, 3:30 AM. They should all be asleep, but all this noise should have awakened Peter and Janice. They are late night people. Angelia and Marcus have two small dogs. The animals should be barking. And, Lars and Bill are always up late night playing their video game systems.

     Where the hell was everyone?

  ‘OK,’ I whispered to myself. ‘I’m on my own right now.’

  I pressed myself against the back wall. I was facing the stairwell looking down toward the bottom of the steps. I could hear the man shambling up toward my location, moving foreword step by step. And then I saw him and I could not contain my horror any longer. I let out a whimper as I took aim at that which should not be possible.

  His back had been snapped at the waist. His torso was twisted to the right side at an impossible angle. Black blood-like substance leaked from his smashed in mouth and nose to leave a trail behind him on the guard rail. His soulless black eyes were trained on me… and it was coming for me!

  At that moment in time, I really didn’t think about what I was doing. I just pointed the barrel of my pistol at the center of the man’s forehead and fired off three rounds into his head. He instantly dropped to the ground and stopped moving.

  I approached him slowly and cautiously. I kicked him in the broken shoulder bone area. It was confirmed… this man was dead. And that blood was as black and as thick as molasses. And he smelled of old decay and rotted flesh mixed together. I had seen enough! It was time to call the police.

  But there were no police to answer my calls. I learned quickly that I was on my own!

  Just before I began to descend the stairs to go back to the second floor and my apartment, I heard a scratching at the doors around me. The scratching quickly became louder before changing to pounding. Something was now trying to escape the apartments around me. NOW I’m done with this scenario!

***

  My once beautiful world has fallen apart. Something unknown to my comprehension has destroyed civilization by killing practically everybody… before changing most of the dead into mindless walking things that hunt the living to kill them in horrible ways. Is this the zombie apocalypse that has captured the imaginations of so many writers over the years? Or, has god decided that mankind has outlived his usefulness on this planet and the time for complete violent genocide is at hand! I don’t know the answers, but I can use my general knowledge as an outdoors man to survive this madness and track down as many living humans as possible… especially, doctors and scientists.

  It is now two year later, after my first violent encounter with the violent flesh eating undead, and I am proud of the fact that I have helped to rescue twenty-seven medical doctors, 21 nurses and thirty-one scientist, among the other 212 living people I have helped to find shelter, and quarantine, in the fortress that is now Wake Medical Center here in Raleigh -- our huge fortress of solitude that has served us very well! The dead can’t get in and we mostly don’t want to get out!

  And when I do periodically go on the hunt for more living humans, I always encounter hoards of the living dead. And as I mow through them on the way to my final destinations… I always end up asking them all this answer-less question:

“HOW MANY TIMES MUST I  KILL YOU BEFORE YOU DIE?”

SAM

THE HIDING PLACE

Some creatures need The Hiding Place more than others!

RLJ

(Season 4, Episode 17)

THE HIDING PLACE

(Olney, Maryland)

There is this private place that exists only or me!
It is well hidden away from prying eyes!
It is over there where you cannot see it,
Hidden away to serve as my personal reality refuge.
In times of my special needs sleep,
Or stress relief,
I go there to find myself again.
Never do I allow another personality
Entry into my personal, secret space.
To do so would…
Displace all the self-discipline progress I make there…
Be a disaster for you and your life.

The location of my personal space
Is locked away deep within the recesses of my memory.
The entry point is the unseen void
Existing between my sanity and my insanity.
I always enter draped in the protective cover of darkness --
Guided by the knowledge gained through the decades.

Even though I do not breath,
I keep my lungs smoke free.
Even though my heart does not beat,
I exercise my cardiovascular system.
I keep my thoughts clean and free,
All to embrace my need for self-control.
　　
I hug tight to the coldness…
I hold tighter to the darkness…
I hold tighter still to the caveats that control my existence.
Like the one that prevents me from stalking the daylight hours.
I covet the soil sprinkled on my bedding,
I hug tight to the approaching sleep of the undead.
All this tiresome effort to keep myself from preying upon… YOU!
　

MBY

IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD, 2101

Holy fuck… I was visited by the Horrorwalker creature in the middle of the night, last night. It appeared in my fucking bedroom around 2:00 in the morning, awakening me with its monstrous presence by scaring the shit out of me.

HOLY HELL! I'm a dainty girl, goddamn it... don't fuck with me like that, you monster!

It made me get out of my bed! It gave me that goddamn book we all know of by now! I forced me to read a fucking horror story of a future time in America where all social hell has broken loose and America has devolved into a pit of near homicidal political hell!

Like the politics of now? Like the politics of today? Fuck no! This is, like, dystopian science fiction bullshit! And, like all those other freaks visited by this creature of dark horror… it made me read my tale… and then, it left there standing in the dark like a rape victim watching the criminal vanish right before her eyes… and not being able to do a fucking thing about it!

Damn it! I have never been raped by a man! But, I sure felt as though my soul had been  raped by the Horrorwalker!

I have written what I have been compelled to write about what I read in that crazy book it lugs around with it. I have undoubtedly done the Horrorwalker’s bidding… but not all of it!

Oh, my god! Did it plant inside my mind the order to go to Washington, D.C. and end the madness before it begins… by any fucking goddamn means possible?

What am I supposed to do in the year of our lord, 2015?

AJL

(Season 4, Episode 18)

IN THE YEAR OF OUR LORD, 2101

(Somewhere in America)

Ignorance is the new intelligence in this future time in this future land. How can you be intelligent if you intentionally keep yourself ignorant, right? It is that ignorance that has split the population apart like a ripped-up piece of paper. Straight ignorance, of the intentional… and intended… kind always leads to one horrible conclusion in America -- MORE OF THE NEW DEADLY RACISM PARADIGM!

The modern version of the media feeds off of the societal ignorance of the crazy people and grows more monstrous from it every day. There are a few beacons of intelligence and light in the media… too bad the ignorant and the stupid out number the intelligent one million to one!

And… with that unrelenting ignorance comes ideas from our agenda led politicians that has turned America upside down. It is just too frightening to watch the television every day and helplessly stand by as the all white person Republican House of Representatives and all white person Republican Senate drafts, every week, more and more laws that is turning America into a Gestapo state.

In this future land of the new intelligence, there are radio and television manipulators, these purveyors, of dumbing down ignorance who have absolute control over their protective circle of the zombie-like damned that surround and protect them like a cult leader. Stupidity, racism and ignorance is an arcane mix of social chemicals ten times more dangerous than any rational thought, regardless of how unpopular the thought is. It is too bad for the world that one of these words -- Democrat and Republican -- are now associated with the greatest societal meltdown America has ever been involved in.

Where, oh where, has my intelligent America gone to?

I am an all or nothing enemy of the pervasive ignorance that controls America today. I use my writing skill to expose the dangerous human monsters using ignorance to break down the once proper, though still flawed, American society I so miss hearing my mother talk about. The seeds of the segregation society returning were being planted during her youth by America’s politicians… but she was hopeful for a better tomorrow. Unfortunately, or fortunately, she died before the forced segregations began. That would have killed her!

But, back to me… I am a dead breed. I will be tracked down by the government and I will vanish like those social mirrors before me.

And never forget that fact when I vanish… and I will… it will be your government that has made me go away. I hope it is not to my death.

Also, if I can find some humor in the humorless… I will expose that, too.  Good luck with that, I constantly tell myself as I try to gather my thoughts.

The news just flashed another alert across the TV screen. Another Senator in Washington just passed another frightening bill that your Republican President promised he will sign. How in the hell Senator Ned Blues fast tracked the Racial Restrictions Act that started all this craziness is another indicator that America is beginning to look more and more like Apartheid Africa of some 85 years ago. That horrible regime died 86 years ago, today… but it is back now, right here in America.

And it will be official… they are saying it right now of FOX news, in six month, after the President signs the paperwork in a few days… all Africans-Americans must move down to the designated southern states  that have already been annexed to be known as the NZ… the Negro Zones!

The last of the Mexican hopefuls, and other south-of-the-border, people were shipped back to the countries of their ethnicity a couple of months ago. All Canadians are being forced back to the north as we speak. The Cubans are already out of Florida. All Africans have been shipped off this soil.  All Native Americans have been gathered and taken away to places unknown. And now, the black people must go down to their new designated zone. My god, am I depressed… the chaos across our once great country, playing out right there for us all to see on the TV is like something out of a cracked Orwellian acid trip!

Actually, the chaos is directed toward people like me. You, dear friends, know I am black… and again, my days are numbed on American soil!

Well OK readers, this is my blog report for today. I will write another report tomorrow. As usual, I will report from another secret location from somewhere in my America. To those of you who trust, and read my words every day, please send me all the good vibes you can muster. I just want to be around long enough to see this year though. Today is March 2, 2101... help me to get to 2102.

Remember -- “We, you and me, are the eyes that watches each others back!” We need each other more today than ever before. And always remember my initials… they will give you strength in the darker times to come

SAM